I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
