After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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