dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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