He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
