he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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