I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Randomize
