Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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