Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
