Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
