you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
