Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
