It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
