If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize