So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize