That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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