One girl and one boy is just not enough.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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