I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the raccoons are back...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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