I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
