I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
