You're completely useless in the revolution.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
