i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
