Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
