just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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