happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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