i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just cropdusted the office
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
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i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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