And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
