I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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