I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
