I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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