i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
