is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
