theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
