You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this boner is exhausting
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
