Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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