she woke up with a sticky ear
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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