just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
