even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
