i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
