Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
FUCK WHALES
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize