we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
