you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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