Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
