Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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