I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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