im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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