I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
