you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
try to milk me bitch
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