He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
