I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
