Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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