if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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