No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?