just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
