I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
