you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
