i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
