Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
