No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
