i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
