the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
