shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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